TITLE: The Silent Need
AUTHOR: Dreiser
EMAIL: dreiser3@yahoo.com
YAHOO/AOL IM: dreiser3
MY WEBSITE: http://www.dreiser.net/
CONTENT: F/F romance. F/F sex. Greenlee/Kendall.
SUMMARY: With Greenlee emotionally wrecked by the
truth about her father it's Kendall who finds her, offering her the love she
always needed but was denied.
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing but my pure and utter
despise for the current Bianca storyline. It's just... ugh. I don't even have
the words. I might write a fanfic later just because I'm even more outraged
about the support certain ships are giving it due to the meager and false hope
that they're drawing from the spoilers.
FEEDBACK: Send it because I've got a little
motto that always sees me through. When you're good to Mama then Mama's good to
you.
AUTHOR’S NOTE: Goddamn Rebecca Budig is a good
actress! Seriously though, that scene in the cemetary really got to me on some
level and I just had to write a fic. Mostly because, bleh, I know they're going
to have Juan Pablo doing the comforting in the actual show. For once I'd like
to see Rebecca paired with a guy who can actually act but it seems Josh cursed
her when he left the show.
The Silent Need
By: Dreiser
For as long as Greenlee could remember, she had
always needed love. This might seem like a silly thing to take notice of
because, after all, didn't everyone need love in their lives? Of course they
did but Greenlee, unlike most, never did get what she needed. Not until the
later years in her life, anyway.
She had spent a good deal of her childhood and
all her adolescence wondering why nothing she did was good enough for Roger
Smythe. Why she couldn't seem to please him no matter how hard she tried to be
what he wanted. Only now, when he was dead, completely removed from her life,
did she get her answer.
Roger would have never accepted her because he
simply couldn't. There was no reason for him to because she wasn't his
daughter. Greenlee was nothing more than a burden Roger had allowed himself to
be saddled with so he could advance his career and social standing. The reason
he never treated her with any type of fatherly kindness or love was because he
just didn't have it.
It wasn't just him though, her mother hadn't
cared about her until recently and Greenlee wasn't going to kid herself about
that. This whole sudden appearance of upstanding morals was nothing more than a
midlife crisis combined with guilt as she finally, for whatever reason,
realized just how much she had truly fucked over her only daughter who also...
surprise, surprise, was her big meal ticket now.
Despite her anger with her mother, Greenlee
couldn't help wondering if she was right about Jackson. He was a good man, that
was true, but if he was so damn good why didn't he ever notice her existence?
Jackson Montgomery, the all powerful and wise District Attorney with a razor
sharp steel trap of a mind. Surely he must have noticed the pregnancy and
marriage to Roger didn't add up. Or had he simply assumed that Mary had cheated
on him?
That she could believe.
The lies of others, the constant deception, the
heartless greed… those were things she knew all too well and trusted in. Very
few times in her life had she ever encountered something pure and good. In fact,
the one time she did it was taken away from her and god help her, Greenlee
believed she would never see it again.
But even her dear sweet Leo had wanted something
from her at first. He wanted her money, just like so many before him, and that
was why he put up with spoiled behavior and antics. In the end he came to
really know her… really love her but it stayed with her always, that he had
wanted something from her like everyone did.
No, not everyone she realized in a sudden rush
of rage. Roger hadn't wanted anything from her. He wanted nothing to do with
her, in fact. Nothing… nothing… nothing! To him she was an insect to be crushed
under his shoe, a sick little creature that he couldn't even pretend to stand.
Her hands were scratched and bleeding before she
realized what she had been doing and sinking to the ground, Greenlee stared at
them blankly. Tears falling as she looked at her hands and asked silently why
she was here.
Why she couldn't rid herself of this damnable
need to be loved.
After all this time, all the rejections, all the
pain, you would think that she would just learn and give it up already. Leave
this pissant small town behind and disappear with the wind but she couldn't
leave Pine Valley just like she couldn't leave the need she felt, no matter how
much she desperately wanted to.
In the distance she heard the sound of leaves
being stepped on underfoot and ignored it, too lost in her misery to think it
had anything to do with her. She ignored it even when the footsteps stopped
right before her, the grass fluttering as long legs folded down and they sat in
front of her. But she couldn't ignore gentle hands, soft on her own as they
tenderly turned her palms over and traced the scratches with such concern that
Greenlee knew the care behind it couldn't be false.
Especially when she looked up and saw who was
with her.
"You shouldn't hurt yourself like this,
Greenlee," murmured Kendall, resting the smaller woman's hands on her
knees as she searched her purse. In a moment, she produced a tailored
hankerchief and ripped it smoothly in two then wrapped it around Greenlee's
hands. "It isn't good for you."
"Oh?" Greenlee released a bitter
laugh. "Then what is? Finding out my entire life has been a lie? That my
father isn't my father... that he had a reason to hate me? I guess that's good
for me. At least that's what my mother thinks."
Tying off the handkerchief, Kendall met
Greenlee's eyes steadily. "I know it hurts. Your life suddenly isn't your
own and everything you thought was the truth turns out to be nothing more than
a lie." Slowly, she cupped Greenlee's cheek and her thumb traced a gentle
path, trying to ease the pain the only way that she knew how. By sharing in it.
"I never fit in back in Florida," she whispered and smiling faintly,
she pushed a stray lock of hair from Greenlee's eyes. "The Harts loved me
but something was always off. Of course, I was popular," Kendall smirked
at Greenlee who laughed slightly at her friend's bravado. "That's where my
fixation with relationships started, I guess. I thought the more friends I
had... the more boyfriends I had... the more anything I had, it would help to
fill up this big aching void I had inside myself. But it never worked,
Greenlee." Lifting blue gray eyes, she locked them with sad brown.
"It never worked."
"I just wanted him to love me," said
Greenlee brokenly, taking her gaze away from Kendall's and releasing a choked
sob. Crumpling into herself, Greenlee's arms wrapped around her body and she
asked in a bare whisper, "Why couldn't he love me? It was the only thing I
ever really wanted from him."
Frowning deeply, Kendall moved forward and
gathered Greenlee in her arms, pulling the smaller woman onto her lap and holding
her close. Rocking them to and fro while Greenlee rested her face against the
curve of her neck. "Because Roger was an idiot," Kendall said sharply
and when Greenlee laughed ever so slightly, she smiled. Stretching her hands
across Greenlee's back, she rubbed it in absent lazy circles and murmured,
"They're all idiots if they can't see what we have to offer."
"We're the sexy ladies of Fusion,"
muttered Greenlee against Kendall's neck, appearing to regain her usual dry
sense of humor with these words.
"Yes, we are," Kendall replied with a
laugh. Her hands darted down to lightly tickle at Greenlee's sides and
immediately she squirmed in Kendall's arms, trying to get away but somehow
staying firmly in place. When this strange game died down moments later,
Kendall sighed and pulled back to look at Greenlee's tear stained features.
Resting her palm tenderly on Greenlee's cheek, she asked quietly, "How
about we get out of here?"
A slight dip of her head was Greenlee's only
reply and smiling at this, Kendall helped her up. They walked to Kendall's car
in silence that somehow wasn't the least bit uncomfortable but what Greenlee
found so incredible was her own mood. The world suddenly didn't seem so bleak
and horrible and she knew it was simply because Kendall was with her.
And as she sank into a comfortable leather seat,
staring at the Pine Valley scenery as it passed by Greenlee realized something
that shook her to her very core. The last time she had felt like this was with
her husband.
Turning to face Kendall, she took in her sharp
jaw line and elegant features. On the surface the woman next to her was nothing
like Leo. First of all there was the obvious fact that she was a woman but more
obvious was that their individual personalities were totally different. Leo was
a charming vagabond, a person never overcome by worry, someone totally at ease
with themself. Kendall liked to plan her moves, a person who worried constantly
what others thought of her, and was more often than not only comfortable when
playing some type of part.
But when Kendall turned to look at her, blue
gray eyes twinkled just as Leo's always had. They were deep and full of love,
promise, and everything good in this world and as she looked into them,
Greenlee felt whole.
---
"Drinks, we definitely need drinks,"
Kendall announced as they entered her condo and she flung her coat onto a
nearby chair.
Rooting through her refridgerator Kendall made a
loud sound of displeasure and lifted her head to tell Greenlee the only thing she
had were the English beers Aidan that stored here for his visits. Only she was
stopped right in her path when she found herself face to face with Greenlee and
releasing an unwilling and very girlish yelp, she leapt away from the other
woman.
Something that caused Greenlee to lift an
eyebrow in amusement. Deciding to be nice and not make fun of Kendall's
reaction, she tilted her head to look into the refrigerator. "Pride of
Romsey India Pale Ale?" Greenlee questioned, reading the label as she
pulled two beers out of the fridge and handed one to Kendall.
"Aidan bought them," said Kendall,
heaving a breath and opening a drawer to retrieve the bottle opener. "But
he's always complaining that it's too cold. Soon as he gets over here the first
thing he does is take one out of the fridge and put it on the counter."
Shrugging her shoulders as she popped the cap off, Kendall gave the open beer
to Greenlee and took the closed one for herself. When the other cap flew off,
she watched as it aimlessly hit the wall to land in a potted plant and sighed.
"I should probably clean this place up sometime." Meeting Greenlee's
eyes, she grinned and lifted the beer. "But not right now, huh?"
Smiling in return, Greenlee took a long drink,
very much aware of Kendall's eyes on her as she finished off half of the beer
in one gulp. When she was finished she rested the beer onto the counter with an
audible clink and smirked widely.
"I should've known," Kendall finally
said impishly. Taking a swig of her beer, she grabbed Greenlee's hand in her
own and dragged them to the couch where she flung herself down with a great
deal of relief. Pointing her beer at Greenlee after a moment, she smiled,
"You're not a wine connoisseur at all, are you?"
"Not particularly," said Greenlee,
leaning back into the couch and kicking off her shoes. Tilting her head back,
she rested it on the cushions and stared up at the dots on Kendall's pebbled
ceiling, counting them as she spoke. "I had to drink it, going to as many
stuffy parties as I have over the years but that's not saying I've ever
actually enjoyed the taste. It's too sweet. I like things a little
bitter."
"That's appropriate," said Kendall
with a snort, laughing when Greenlee poked her absently in the side with her
foot. "Hey!" she called out, shoving at Greenlee's foot and giving it
a light tickle. "Don't put your stinky feet on me. I'm not your barely
loyal and secretly envious serving girl."
They were quiet for a long while then Greenlee
sighed and lifting her head she took another drink from her beer. Resting her
head to one side, she met Kendall's eyes and said quietly, "People always
want something from me. Even now, with mother claiming to do this for my own
good, she wants something. She wants me to trust her... to love her like she
thinks I should." Burying her face in the cushion, she said in harsh
tones, "I'm sick of it."
Greenlee felt her legs being lifted and she felt
felt Kendall's hand wrap around her own, taking her beer away and setting it
down on the coffee table. Then a hand, wet and cool from the beer it had been
holding, rested against her cheek to draw her head up so their eyes could meet.
Looking into the earnest gaze in front of her, it was all Greenlee could do not
to cry from what she saw there.
"I don't want
anything from you," Kendall murmured, her voice honest and clear. Drawing
her other hand upwards to hold Greenlee's face gently, she dipped her head,
leaving their lips only inches apart. Her breath was warm and slightly bitter,
like the beer they had been drinking and it was just as intoxicating. "I
promise."
Then, before either of them knew how it was happening, they
were kissing. Mouths soft and open, tasting deep from one another as each kiss
was more hungry than the last. Greenlee's hands were tangled in Kendall's hair,
pulling her close, tilting her head for better access to her mouth as her
tongue sought entrance. As this went on, Kendall didn't melt into her touch,
not as she had with so many men before. No, she kissed Greenlee back, hard and
eager, taking what she wanted with a firm desire that she had thought long lost
to her. Only she was wrong, just like she was wrong to say that she didn't want
anything from Greenlee because now she did. What she wanted was Greenlee
herself.
And she said as much to the other woman when they parted
with a whimper, Kendall burying her face in the crook of Greenlee's shoulders,
unable to face the possible rejection that was coming. Except it never came and
slender fingers hooked under her chin, drawing her eyes upward to look at
Greenlee's features soft in their vulnerability. "I want you too,"
she whispered.
They stumbled into Kendall's bedroom in between kisses, lost
in the moment and one another, both not quite believing this was really
happening and anything could feel as right as this did. Nothing had ever felt
this way to Greenlee, nothing other than Leo but she wasn't with him anymore,
she was with Kendall now.
And Kendall... oh... how she would moan into Greenlee as she
deepened the kiss to ravish her mouth and Kendall squirmed closer, taking hold
of her hips to place Greenlee on her lap, literally putting her on top. Tracing
her hands up the sides of Kendall's body, Greenlee rested them on her
shoulders, slowly pulling her mouth away and smiling on hearing the groan of
disappointment. Blue gray eyes
were dark with desire but steady and calm, allowing Greenlee to push her back
gently on the bed as Greenlee stretched out to cover Kendall's slender body
with her own smaller frame.
"If you ever want to stop just tell me," said
Kendall quietly, carefully observing Greenlee as she flipped them over,
snuggling her leg in between Greenlee's and fitting them perfectly together as
she looked down at the other woman. "Okay?"
"Okay," Greenlee echoed looking deep into
Kendall's eyes, knowing full well that stopping was the very last thing that
would ever enter her mind.
And knowing this, Greenlee's hands wandered, down and over
Kendall's body, and as they continued to kiss, exploring their mouths with a
slow draw of passion. Kendall's hands nimbly unzipped the dress that Greenlee
was wearing and she gasped as the cool air hit her skin before delicate fingers
splayed across her back, warming her with their touch.
Pulling the dress off Greenlee as the other woman sat up for
her, Kendall soon tossed it aside and clasped her neck, caressing it with one
hand as she kissed and nuzzled it. All while her other hand worked busily on
unsnapping the bra until it fell to the floor with the dress and Kendall traced
her hand down Greenlee's back in a smooth caress, enjoying the way Greenlee
trembled with her touch.
Almost as much as she enjoyed the way Greenlee moaned, low
and in the back of her throat as Kendall pressed her into the bed, drawing a
nipple into her mouth as she cupped the warm weight of the breast in her hand,
loving the feel. Supple to her touch but firm and god, it felt better than
anything had before. Greenlee was better than anyone else and Kendall thought
she would go mad from it all.
Tracing her kisses across Greenlee's midsection, Kendall
moved down to rest her hands right above the lacy top of silk panties. She
peered up to lock dark eyes with her own questioning gaze that asked for silent
permission. It came with a slight jerk of Greenlee's head and sighing, Kendall
slipped her fingers underneath the fine material then slid it completely from
Greenlee's body.
Rising to her feet with a languid ease, Kendall began to
undress herself. Making it a slow show for Greenlee who was now propped back on
her elbows, watching her with a powerful gaze that burned into Kendall, making
her warm and eager as she removed the last piece of clothing and lowered
herself onto the other woman, shivering at the feel of skin on skin.
Their mouths met in another kiss and when they did,
Greenlee's tongue entering Kendall, tasting deep, causing her to tingle all
over, she let her hands slip down, finding the edges of the Greenlee's pussy
and teasing it, entering slightly only to pull back. The smaller woman groaned
into her, pulling away and looking at her with dark pouting eyes and Kendall
couldn't help but laugh joyfully, kissing her soundly before moving her hand
again, this time fully entering Greenlee, easily slipping inside of her,
causing Greenlee to gasp and press herself closer.
Softly kissing Greenlee's jaw, Kendall whispered in her ear,
"Do you like that?"
Instead of replying, Greenlee trailed her hands down the
expanse of Kendall's body, exploring her curves and valleys before she returned
the gesture, slipping her fingers inside the other woman, delighting on feeling
how wet and open she was. Kendall really did want this as much as she did.
Feeling reassured now, Greenlee chuckled and leaned into
Kendall, breathing against her neck before giving it a tender kiss. "Do
you?"
"Bitch," Kendall declared the word boldly with a
hard quiver and a gasp, making Greenlee chuckle again at the obvious desire
they both felt.
Then they were moving against one another, more fingers
added, searching deep as their bodies pressed together, trying their best to
gain friction. Kendall's mouth seeking out Greenlee's for a deep kiss, tongues
entwined, groaning into each other as they moved closer yet, always closer,
their fingers curling inside, pressing on their clits, readying for an orgasm
that Greenlee knew she'd never had before. Never, not like this. Not this wet
and open. She had never felt like this before. Because before she just couldn't
let herself…
…be this free.
As she climaxed, feeling Kendall come shortly after,
Greenlee realized none of that mattered because now she was free. Completely
and utterly free as Kendall gathered her close, her body shaking from the
effects of her orgasm and sighing as slender arms held her. Full lips pressed
tenderly against Greenlee's forehead before fingers pushed damp hair from her
eyes.
"Well," said Kendall with more than a
little bit of fear, heaving a deep breath. Her tones were husky and definitely
wry as she continued, "That was something."
"Yes, it was," said Greenlee,
chuckling as she moved to rest her body on top of Kendall's, looking firmly
into blue gray eyes that searched her own worriedly. Delicately tracing
Kendall's cheek with the back of her hand, she murmured, "I don't regret
what just happened. How about you?"
"Of course not," Kendall said quickly.
Shaking her head, she laughed nervously then took Greenlee's hand and kissing
the palm, she wore a determined expression on her features. "I've never
felt like this before. It's special... you're special." Looking totally
embarrassed, Kendall stared off to one side and muttered, "That didn't
sound stupid."
Smiling fondly, Greenlee cupped Kendall's chin
and met their eyes. "It wasn't stupid," she said quietly. Arching an
eyebrow, she said in imperious tones, "And if anyone tells you it was
they'll have to deal with me." Quickly losing her confidence with the
words she knew she wanted to say next, Greenlee darted her gaze away as she
said softly, "Because I feel the same."
Deciding that the time for words was long since
over, Kendall drew Greenlee to her for a kiss, their bodies naturally entwining
and moving closer. It was during this moment they silently accepted that what
they both wanted and needed most in this world was and had always been the
exact same thing. To have someone of their own to love who sincerely loved them
in return.
-End-