This has slight spoilers for episodes 31-33. If you
haven't seen that far into the Fushigi Yuugi series then you
might not want to read on.







Regrets

By: Dreiser


I think I've loved you since the moment I saw you.

The purple one.

Those eyes, that hair, the voice... that damn charming 
and husky voice of yours.

Why did you do it?

Was it because you loved us so? Was it because of 
him? Or was it her? Your loyalty to her that made you do it?

Part of me wishes that you did it for me but I know 
that you didn't. It wasn't for me. It was for all of us.

I don't think you had a hint of how I felt about you. 

You thought that I loved you like you loved me. An 
innocent love... a pure one that put all of us in the roles of your 
adopted family.

It was because of your feelings for us that you wanted 
to protect us. That you did what you did.

I just wish that I had told you how I felt.

I'm not used to having regrets. I've always lived my life 
to the fullest. Living it on a carefree whim. Doing what I felt 
like doing whenever I felt like doing it.

You were like that too, I think. I could see it in your 
eyes when you would smile. How they would sparkle with 
merriment and just a hint of mischief.

God, how I miss seeing your smile.

I can't help but wonder if the others know how I feel. 
I think that Mitsukake might. I saw the sympathy that lay in his 
gaze when he looked at me.

It was the sympathy of one who knows what it's like 
to lose someone that you're in love with.

Did you love me? Did you know how much I loved 
you? Could you have loved me back? 

That's what haunts me now. Those damned questions. 
And I know they'll haunt me until the day I die.

Part of me is actually looking forward to death. Just 
because when it happens I'll be able to see you again and 
when I do I can finally get my answers.

My answers and yours.

I'm not seeking my own death, if that's what you're 
thinking. I wouldn't do that to you or the others.

No, I won't allow myself to die until our mission is 
fulfilled. And even when it's over I won't chase death but I 
know that when it comes for me I'll be peaceful.

I'll be peaceful because of you.

If it was up to me... if I could make the wish when we 
summon Suzaku it would be a selfish one.

I know that we can't bring you back. You don't have 
a body for you beautiful soul to live in any longer but that 
doesn't matter. I would wish for you to live in mine.

Because at least that way we could be together.

Tasuki and Nuriko. Together forever. Without any regrets.

-End-

The character of Tasuki is from Fushigi Yuugi. I always said 
that one day I would write a fic about Nuriko and Tasuki and 
here it is. While it's nice to think (for me at least) of Nuriko 
getting his wish of being with Hotohori I can't help but see 
something between him and Tasuki. Maybe it's because 
they're so damn cute together. Either way, I hope you enjoyed 
my first little journey into m/m romance. It's about as vague as 
my usual pieces but oh well. You go with what you know.


"Shine on friend. Good night. Why then? The darkening of 
the light."
-Concrete Blonde-