TITLE: Just Like A Pill
AUTHOR: Dreiser
EMAIL: dreiser0@earthlink.net
YAHOO IM: dreiser3
MY WEBSITE: http://www.dreiser.net/
CONTENT: F/F F/M romance. Tiger/Lorelei. Tiger/Faust.
SUMMARY: After leaving Lord Faust for the third time in her life, Tiger
wonders why she should go on and Lorelei provides her with an answer.
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing but my undying devotion to SMJ. It's still my
favorite anime series and I think it probably always will be. Hey, I like
the action/comedy/romance.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is alternate universe in the interpretation of
what happens in episodes 11-13 of SMJ to X. There are spoilers in the fic,
so be warned. Why did I write about just Tiger and not the other Saber
Dolls as well? Heh. That's simple. Because without a doubt she's my favorite
character in the series, that's why. The title of this fic comes from the
song by Pink. Gotta love her.


Just Like A Pill

By: Dreiser

He wasn't the Faust that she knew and loved. It looked like him, sounded
like him, but her maiden circuit... her heart told Tiger that it wasn't him.
But still, it was him in some perverse manner. It was how he once was, what
he had been twisted into by his father, just as his father before him had
been changed into the same monster.

An endless cycle of hatred and pain. One that Faust said he would put an 
end to when he abandoned his claim on Gartland as a world leader. He promised
them life would be different. That they would be together always and they
would be happy.

They would finally be at peace.

And now here they were, reliving their old mistakes. Fighting Otaru and the
Saber Marionettes. She didn't want to do this... to hurt Lime but he was
Faust. Her Master, her love, and her very life. If she didn't obey him then
what was left?

Tiger knew what it was to be without him and it was unbearable. A living
hell that made her long for the days when she was broken and trapped in the
happy memories of long ago. When he had loved her and her alone. His smiles
sweet and his laughter bright.

She wanted to be at his side until the end, that was a fact which remained 
true always but could she abandon everything she learned in Japoness to do 
that? Ignore how wrong his acts were and let her heart die quietly inside as 
she once again watched everything good about him be squashed down until nothing
but a cold monster was left?

At first it was easy, it happened so fast, her happiness fading into
hopeless misery as she watched his goodness crumble before the false
strength that had been beaten into him by the painful memories he was given.
All she could do was stare at him, look at the hard glint of steely blue
eyes and pledge her loyalty.

What else could she do, after all? He was her Master. He was her love. He
was her reason for living. If she didn't have him she had nothing.

But still... no matter what she knew, no matter how endless her devotion was,
she couldn't do it again. She couldn't make the same mistakes and she
couldn't hurt her friends. And so she ran when Panther gave her the chance.

Good, brave, and strong Panther. Ever ready for battle and fearless against
the odds. Raging at the world when it opposed her, raging so fiercely that things 
would go her way. Tiger knew somehow she would be the one to stand up to him.

Just as she had known she would be the one to run away.

And she ran as fast as she could, into the middle of nowhere, stopping to
look up at the blue of the sky that was blurred by the tears in her eyes.
She had really done it, she had run away from him. From Faust, her Master
and her love.

She ran because she couldn't serve him... she couldn't be with him as he 
was now. It hurt too much to see him twist himself into a monster again. 
But nothing hurt more than the fact that there wasn't anything she could do 
to stop it. When it first happened, she was still, held back by her former
Master's strong hand. She stood by like a weakling and allowed them to
torture the person she loved, transforming him into a creature with a heart
of ice who existed for one reason and one reason only.

Lorelei.

Blinking the tears from her eyes, Tiger stared up at the sky and realized
what could make him stop. What was most important him, even now, in his cold
hearted state. It was always Lorelei that he loved. She was his motivation
behind all his brutal actions, now and in the past. All he ever wanted was
to rescue her, to see her...

To love her.

Moving into a run, Tiger headed back towards the signs of battle. She knew
he would never listen to her but maybe Lorelei had a chance. Even if she
lost his love forever it would all be worthwhile if she could see his gentle
smile once more.

A rip of metal was all it took for Tiger to sneak inside. It was utter chaos
with the men hurrying about, readying for the battle to come. Watching them,
Tiger felt her heart sink. It was all so pointless, this war, the continued
struggle. Why couldn't they simply live in peace and let people exist as
they would choose?

The chaos served to be an aid though and Tiger soon found herself standing
in the room, looking at the hunched forms the men she knew must be the
schemers behind this. Their eyes widened for a moment, just one, before her
whip caught them around the neck and dragged them, kicking and screaming,
into unconsciousness.

She would take care of them later.

With a hiss the door opened and Tiger stood, watching Lorelei float
suspended in whatever contraption they had been using on her. Narrowing her
eyes, she lifted her whip and struck at the console, breaking the glass of
the window as it electrocuted the controls to the computer. Just seconds
later, Lorelei fell into her arms.

Blue eyes fluttered open and they were kind, as his once were. "Tiger?"
asked Lorelei, her tones confused. "What...?"

"You must help Lord Faust," said Tiger simply, moving across the room to
gently sit Lorelei down on the tiny cot. Kneeling before the woman, she
looked up into her eyes, revealing everything that she was in her gaze.
"This isn't him, Lorelei. Something has happened to twist him back into the
monster he once was but it isn't him. You're the only one who has a chance
of bringing the real Lord Faust back."

"Tiger, I..." Lorelei trailed off, blushing dark as the Saber Doll spoke.
Finally looking back at her, she whispered, "You know he'll punish you for 
doing this. For freeing me."

"I don't care, not if you can restore him to who he once was," replied
Tiger, her gaze steady. Rising to her feet, she peered down at the smaller
woman and said, "Will you try? For my sake as well as the other Saber Dolls?
We..." Trailing off, Tiger swallowed the lump that appeared in her throat as
she recalled the pains of the past. "I'm not sure we can survive this again.
I know that I cannot. But," she looked back to Lorelei and formed a wan
smile, "everything he has done and will do is for you. He loves you."

Shaking her head, Lorelei said softly, "He loves me only because his
memories tell him to. As much as he might look like him, he isn't the Faust
I knew. Still, I..."

They were interrupted by a loud crash and looked towards the doors of
the lab to see soldiers scurrying into the room, soon followed by the form 
of Faust himself. He took one look at Tiger then sneered and raised his gun,
pointing it level to her head. Tiger stayed still, knowing that if this was
how her Master wanted to end it, she couldn't deny him.

"Worthless doll," he growled, his finger moving over the trigger. "You
couldn't get the information I wanted and now you betray me by rescuing
Lorelei? I don't need you."

Her heart stopped at these words and Tiger felt herself die. Her body 
functioned and her mind thought but everything that made her who she was 
had died in that moment. Flicking her eyes to Luchs she told her silently 
not to interfere. She knew all too well what her comrade had in mind. Luchs 
was always the genius of their group, ever making plans that had brilliant 
results. It was only natural she remain to try and discern the truth of what 
was happening. She heard the charge of the gun and she waited for the beam 
to strike her but instead she was pushed, tackled out of the way and when 
she opened her eyes again, she was looking into blue pools of kindness.

"Lorelei?" asked Tiger in a hushed whisper.

"Don't let him kill you, he's not worth it," Lorelei hissed, her hands tight
on the collar to Tiger's shirt. Her gaze darted back to the soldiers who were
surrounding them. "I think we should get out of here, Tiger."

Looking from her future to her past, Tiger gazed into the cold steel of 
his eyes and nodded her head before she scooped Lorelei up in her arms and
kicked a large hole in the armored hide of the great machine they were riding
inside. Just as she prepared to jump out, she heard him scream wildly at
her, "If you leave now never come back! NEVER!"

And with her heart splintering into a million pieces, she jumped.

Holding Lorelei to her like the precious bundle that she was, Tiger ran as
fast as she could, running towards the last place she had seen her true Lord
Faust. The man with a gentle smile and caring nature. Her Master, the
person she loved more than any other.

The baby's breath was there, blooming and sweet. Setting Lorelei gently
down, Tiger then dropped to her knees, fingers barely touching the flowers as 
she whispered, "Don't run so fast, Lord Faust. You'll hurt yourself."

"Tiger?" said Lorelei quietly, approaching the Saber Doll.

"We planted these flowers with Lord Faust, the other Saber Dolls and I,"
informed Tiger tonelessly, staring at them. "He said this was to be the
crossroads of his life and where he went from here only he could determine
but when his journey was done he would call for us and we would see the bloomed 
baby's breath together." Looking up at Lorelei with tears in her eyes, she 
asked hopelessly, "What has become of the Lord Faust I love? He was never meant 
to be a heartless creature. He was always gentle and kind... like you."

"Something's happened to change him," Lorelei offered, sinking down onto 
the ground to sit next to Tiger. "I'm not sure what, but that much is certain.
We can only hope that he'll see the error of his ways."

Tiger was quiet for a long while then she said in a tired voice, "You should
have let him shoot me, Lorelei. Without Lord Faust I have no reason for going 
on. He's banished me now and I won't live without him. Not again."

"Don't say that, Tiger!" cried Lorelei, grabbing the Saber Doll by her arms,
jerking her slightly as she looked up into her eyes. "You have plenty to
live for. Don't you know how much the other Saber Dolls care for you? When
your maiden circuit was broken they refused to give up, refused to let me
even think of the possibility of not fixing you. How do you think they would
feel if you let yourself die now?"

"They would understand," said Tiger in dead tones. Closing her eyes, she let
herself sink into Lorelei's embrace as she murmured, "Panther is already
contemplating the same as I. She doesn't want to go through that same hell."
She felt Lorelei's gentle hands on her back, making circles and she sighed
at the feeling. "You repaired my heart, allowed me to have emotions again,
and I am grateful, but why is it all I ever experience in the end is pain?"

"Tiger," Lorelei whispered, pulling away from the Saber Doll to look up into
her features. Dark eyes were filled with tears and she tenderly cupped her
cheek, all too aware of how her companion leaned into the touch. "I'm sorry.
This isn't the life I wanted for you girls."

"Don't apologize, Lorelei," said Tiger, her gaze steady. "Without you, we
wouldn't even exist. You were the reason our maiden circuits were constructed."

"But to love one person only... to exist for only them," Lorelei shook her
head, her throat choked as she thought of the mistakes she had made. "I
should have never made it that way. The programming was wrong... twisted from
how love really is." Looking at Tiger, she said quietly, "In life we don't
just love one person. There are many who come in and out of our lives and
sometimes we get hurt, but we love them all. It's all my fault, the pain
you're all experiencing right now."

Watching Lorelei quietly, realizing how much the other woman truly blamed
herself for her pain and the pain of the other Sabers, Tiger said, "As much 
as it can hurt to love Lord Faust I would never take the pain away. Because 
for as much pain as I've experienced, I have just as much joy." With a wan
smile, she added, "And is that not human?"

Laughing through her tears, Lorelei shook her head and peered up at her
companion. Sighing, she reached out, cupping the Saber Doll's face in her
hands. "Don't die, Tiger. I like having you here."

Then she moved closer, capturing Tiger's lips with her own in a kiss that
was soft and delicate and everything Tiger had ever wanted from Lord Faust
when she would allow herself the luxury of imagining. When it was over, her 
eyes fluttered open and could barely take in Lorelei's kind smile and the 
tender stroke of her fingertips on her skin, her maiden circuit was burning 
so hard and fast inside her chest.

"Why?" There were no other words Tiger could use. She simply had to know.

"Because I love you," answered Lorelei softly, her blue eyes always kind 
but now slightly worried as they ran over the features of the Saber Doll. "I
always have."

"I... I don't know if..." Tiger began slowly, unsure of how to reply. She 
did care for Lorelei, she was the one who repaired her, who was always so 
concerned for her welfare, for all the Sabers welfare, but there was Lord 
Faust. Her Master, her love, her reason for existing.

"Shh, Tiger," Lorelei soothed, putting her finger to the Saber Doll's lips.
"It's all right. I know you love him. But..." She trailed off, looking into
the distance, knowing that she couldn't look Tiger in the eyes and say this,
for fear of breaking down. "Don't you think that you could love me as well?"
Turning back to Tiger, she said in quiet tones that held the barest trace of
hope, "Is there enough room in your heart for that?"

"I've always loved you, Lorelei," said Tiger simply. Giving into the urge,
her hands wrapped around the smaller woman's waist, pulling her close. Then
leaning down, she whispered in her ear, "Ever since I met you, I loved you. 
Almost as much as him."

Almost as much but never as much and certainly never more. Lorelei knew to
want such a thing was foolishness. She had designed the maiden circuits and
she knew better than anyone else what they did. It was her own design that
put her in this folly of a situation. As always, no matter what anyone else
said, she was the one to blame.

For this moment she was happy though. So she clung to Tiger, hands going
round her body, sighing at the feeling of her being so close. When soft lips
kissed her neck, it was all she could do to simply shiver as she pulled back
to look into dark eyes. Then they were kissing again and Tiger's lips, they
were so soft and open that Lorelei thought she would drown in them, in the
feeling of them against her. It was everything and it was nothing because
she knew... she knew that it wouldn't last.

Faust was like a drug for the Saber Doll. She would always need him and he
would always be in her system. There was nothing she could do to stop it and
Tiger's need for him. All she could do was love her and watch.

Lorelei didn't know how long they sat there, underneath the tree near the 
baby's breath. But she did know she was almost asleep when Tiger's body jerked
beneath hers. Waking from the drowsy state she had been placed in, Lorelei
blinked and stared at him, standing in the light of the dying sun, looking
all too similar to a Greek god.

He was beautiful, so beautiful and perfect, and Tiger loved him completely.
She had programmed her to. How could she compete? There was no competition.
Lorelei knew that as Tiger gently extracted herself from her grip and ran to
him, burying herself in his arms and crying thankful tears that the monster she
had just left wasn't him. That it had never been him. Her maiden circuit told
her from the beginning that it wasn't and now she had proof.

The real Lord Faust was in her arms now, his blue eyes kind and his smile
gentle, and his lips, they were tender on her own. More than Lorelei's were 
and as they met hers for a kiss, opening her up, Tiger's heart sang with
happiness. This was where she belonged, this was her life.

"The baby's breath has bloomed," Faust murmured into Tiger's hair as the
Saber Doll released a quiet sob and remained buried in his arms.

Blue sought out blue and Lorelei gave a wan smile and a nod of her head 
that she understood. He would make her happy, far more than she ever could. 
That was his job, after all. What he was meant to do. But still... she saw 
the invitation there as well. To join them. If she wanted she could have them
both, he would gladly share all he had and all he was if it was what she truly 
wanted. They all would do that if she was only brave enough to realize and 
bear with all that it meant.

She sat right where Tiger left her, looking into his eyes, and shook her
head. It would take time for her to stop fearing love... to stop running from
it. For her, love was just like a pill and more often than not it didn't
make Lorelei better.

It made her ill.

-End-